i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
