I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
