I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
