Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
