She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
