I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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