i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
