One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
