I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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