Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
