Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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