my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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