Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
