mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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