I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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