i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
