I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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