dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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