i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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