Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
