i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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