Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
