I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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