Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize