you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
