I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
