remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
