I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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