i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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