I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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