my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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