Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
