Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize