Sry I called you an 8
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
