Sry I called you an 8
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
