Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
