a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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