I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
