you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
