I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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