You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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