Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
