He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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