Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
