did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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