ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
