Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
