He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
