I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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