Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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