I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
