That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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