i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize