he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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