remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
