What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
