I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
