At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
