Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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