Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
