billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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