You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
