So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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