I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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