Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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