I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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