I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
