Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
