Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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