When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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