I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
