I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
