Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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