I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
