you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
