Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
