I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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