Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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