take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
