Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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