no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
