I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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