i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
