We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
