you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
