When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
