This house was built for laser tag.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
