R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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