This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
