Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
