do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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