Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize