I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
