I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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