My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
