There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
