It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize