Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The maid of honor just puked.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
