I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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