I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
