New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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