Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
