My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize