saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Be still, my beating vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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